Remembered when I first wanted to apply nursing in NYP during my "O" levels..
My parents' first reaction was "NO!"
Remembered when I wanted to study nursing in NYP again during my "A" levels..
My parents' reaction was yet again "NO!"
Remembered when I wanted to study nursing in NUS after my "A" levels..
My parents were still discouraging me from it..
I applied despite their disapproval, failed the interview, got on the waiting list and rejected the offer and went to Science to do Chemistry instead..
BUT what I don't understand is the following..
My sister is taking her "N" levels this year..
When she asked if she can go and study nursing..
The answer she got from my parents was a STRAIGHT "OK!"
What is the difference between me and her?
Why is it that I cannot get an "OK" from them but she did?
I don't know if they are just being unfair..
YES, I AM TERRIBLY JEALOUS OF HER!
I wondered if birth order matters here..
I wondered if the situation will be different if I wasn't the eldest..
I wondered why she, being more rough than me, got an "OK" instead..
I wondered if I did open up the path for my parents to accept more things..
Was it because wanting to become a nurse wasn't new to them, so they are ok with it?
Was it because she is the youngest, so she can be allowed to do what she wants?
Was it because they didn't take her seriously and casually replied her?
Was it because they didn't think nursing was a nice job then but it is nice now?
Was it because they think that I am not up for it and she is?
Was it because they are bias towards me? Am I not good enough?
Was it because they think I cannot make my own decisions?
I don't know.. I don't know.. I don't know!!
I really think that they are just being unfair to me!!
I didn't even get a proper explanation why they discouraged me and encouraged her..
I knew about the work that nurses have to do and I was ready for it and I got a "NO"..
She knew nothing and she got a STRAIGHT "OK"..
Can't believe it!! It was just outwardly unfair!!
After they approved of it, they went on about the dirty work and she was shocked..
Guess what? She changed her career plans in a second.. So practical of her..
OH! COME ON! If I had gotten a "YES" 6 freaking years ago, I would have been jumping around like mad already!!
I would have completed my nursing diploma 2 years ago and probably 2 years into my nursing degree now..
Back to my BSc (Chemistry).. Completing in 2 months time.. SO FAST!!
I shouldn't have looked back.. It just fills me up with anger, jealousy and maybe regret..
I am so envious of my sister for being the youngest in the family..
I wished that even if I am not the youngest, at least I don't want to be the eldest..
Life is just unfair.. TO ME!!
I guess I'll just have to accept it..
i am who i am
3/05/2009 01:01:00 AM
