Sigh.. I hate being a big sister sometimes..
Worse still, the eldest one you can find in the family..
I think that being a big sister had some part in shaping who I am now..
As the eldest, I have to be more understanding towards the young ones..
I have to take care of them, don't let others harm them..
I have to set good examples for them..
I have to act and think more maturely..
I am kind of sick of all these..
It's tiring to be good girl.. a big sister..
Sometimes, I feel like rebelling.. Become a bad girl for once..
I want to be defiable, I don't want to be understanding..
I want to be rid of the responsibilities..
I don't want to be good for the sake of being good..
I don't want people to tell me to do something because I am a big sister..
I feel like I am being forced to grow up because I am a big sister..
I feel like a chicken that has been injected with growth hormones..
I am obliged to think and act more maturely because I am older..
Sometimes, I feel like I did not have enough fun as a young girl..
Most of the time, I was busy being a big sister..
I want the freedom to think immaturely sometimes..
I want to be treated like as if I was the youngest child sometimes..
I want to be free to act and think childishly..
I care far too much of what others think that I lose myself sometimes..
Sometimes, I feel good when I am with friends, especially the older ones..
With them, I don't have to act like a big sister..
I can allow my innocent childish side of me to come out..
I enjoy being protected and taken care of by these big brothers and sisters..
It would be nice if I can have this kind of breaks in the family..
Where I can switch positions with my siblings to let them have a taste of being a big sister for a day or two..
Sigh.. That's where I learn that power comes with responsibility..
But this power is bestowed on my by birth..
There is nothing that I can do about it..
How I wish I can become a hack care sort of sister..
i am who i am
4/27/2009 03:15:00 AM
