I am having one of those fat days again..
If I don't think about it, I actually feel quite satisfied with how I am looking..
But if I give some thought about it, it is a totally different story..
First, I am not light.. I weigh over 50kg..
I might be what some might call big boned.. But I am actually not..
I just have more flesh.. or fat..
I know where are the areas where I store my fats..
I do have quite a bit of muscles.. But the fats make the whole body look flabby..
I know that I don't really have much fashion sense..
I usually go for clothes that are comfortable..
I don't put on any make up.. Actually I don't really know how to..
No one has ever taught me how.. My mother doesn't really put on make up too..
And she doesn't have much to teach me anyway..
What she taught me so far was applying foundation, lipstick, lipgloss.. That's all..
Anything other than these are beyond her abilities..
And I am too proud to be learning from my younger sister..
I have experimented a few times but erm.. I sort of fail most of the time..
So I tried to bluff myself that being natural is the best look for me..
Self hypnotizing do worked mostly.. until I am told that I would look better with make up..
Hm.. I saw the photos of my primary school classmate on Facebook..
Never saw her since I have gotten my PSLE results..
She used to be big and maybe a little fat? (comparing just between us..)
Now she looked slim and pretty.. Quite far from what she was back then..
I guess I still look the same.. The same old Sandra since 10 years ago.. Boring..
I still have the boring hairstyle.. boring clothes.. boring face.. boring body..
Nothing much changed except for some weight gain..
I should probably restart on my running plans..
I really need to lose those extra weights hanging the tummy and buttocks..
I think I should also lose a size.. I guess I am slightly bigger than the average girls?
I feel bad about myself when I see slim girls in skinny jeans.. in pretty dresses.. in nicer clothes..
I don't even dare to wear those.. I keep feeling the need to hide the many body flaws I have..
I have flabby tummy.. Fat butt.. Big thighs and thick calves..
I am so shy about my body that there are tons of clothes that I don't dare to try..
Being brought up the conservative way, meant that I shouldn't reveal too much either..
Sigh.. How to go shopping with so many problems? And the bad economy worsen the problems..
I guess I need a serious makeover..
I need to lose some body mass around the fat areas..
I need to learn how to make up..
I need to learn how to dress well..
I need to make myself feel more confident..
I need some help here..
How to start? Go on TV? Haha.. Very paisei leh.. I very shy one..
I don't have the money to go to slimming centres.. Or even do liposuction.. Lol..
I am already trying to watch my diet..
What's missing now is exercise..
I am just too lazy to run la.. Nobody to run with.. My sister gave up after 2 days..
Sigh.. Maybe I should return to my method of self hypnotizing.. Haha..
i am who i am
4/21/2009 12:56:00 AM
